KATHY Kelly is a good listener.She helps people come to terms with their problems so they can find a way forward

What she doesn't do is dole out glib solutions or impose her opinions on those who have at last found the courage to air their anxieties.

'I don't do advice or judgement. I have no magic wands. No guarantees. But I can listen, and show alternatives and choices,' she says.

Kathy, 46 is a theraputic counsellor based in Tavistock where she runs a counselling service that specialises in the work of survivors of childhood sexual abuse. However her client base also embraces depression, anger management and bereavement in what is a totally confidential environment.

'We are dealing with years of conditioning and learned behaviour. But if people see they have a choice they don't feel so trapped. After one lady spoke of her problems for the first time she said: "why have I told you all this?" And I said because that's what you wanted to do.'

Kathy says for many people it is a great relief to finally feel believed. When working with Social Services she was involved in supervised contact between children that have been taken into care and their parents which was often pretty traumatic.

During the last year, as well as her own counselling work she has been working with Plymouth College of Further Education as a duty counsellor.

'I like to spread my wings so I can get a feeling of what is out there and what is going on. Otherwise you can have a pair of blinkers on. In this field you have to be up to date and street wise. I get on very well with the students and they say I understand them,' she says.

In the past Kathy has taught parenting skills to mothers who have been abused. They had thought they had put the memories behind them — but the pregnancy brought it all back.

'One of the problems with sexual abuse is that if it is disclosed there is the risk of not being believed. And also there can be a knock-on effect for a marriage, siblings and the authorities. People keep the lid on it for fear of repercussions.'

And that, says Kathy, can have more repercussions with the person's health and long-term relationships also suffer.

'I have had abuse clients that have come and told me about everything else that effects them in life until they feel they could trust me to tell me what is really at the heart of their troubles.

'You have to go at their pace. They are the experts in the way they feel.'

Kathy says when they do finally voice their problems their relief is 'unbelievable'.

One of her clients described it as 'like a huge heavy door had been opened and light was being shone in.'

A lot of people have learned to cope with their unspoken traumas by running their life on 'remote control'.

'I ask if life is for living or just getting through?'

Kathy has been described as a grass roots counsellor with her feet firmly on the ground.

She says if she has a particular skill as a sympathetic listener it is the ability to empower the client to come to the answer they feel happy with.

'The work that I do is about personal exploration and communication. There is always a way forward — but it is not about apportioning blame. It is about finding out what people want. Their emotional needs and are they being met?

Sometimes the burden of hearing harrowing accounts can create emotional overload for Kathy.

'I'm human. If I feel I'm out of my depth I can take it to a supervisor and get help from a psychologist. colleague.'

But despite the dramas and dilemmas Kathy enjoys working on a one to one. For her,being able to help on that level equates job satisfaction.

'There are a lot more incidents of sexual abuse out there than we are led to believe. One GP I know said it was frightening how common it was to one degree or another.

'A lot of it is about power. It is fear and intimidation. It reduces self esteem and the victim's confidence will gradually disappear,' says Kathy.

'But it is comfortable. They know what to expect. There is a conditioning in it — a learnt behaviour.'

The key, says Kathy, is about having the confidence in yourself to understand why when you do this you feel that.

'But none of it is a quick fix. The sexual abuse work is generally long term. You can work with an individual for as long as a year.

'You can have a man that was sexually abused as a child. He grows up and gets married. Things go wrong and he questions his own sexuality. It is a sexual minefield. He doesn't know who he is.

Lots of dilemmas are caused by confusion — not knowing what is the right way.'

Kathy says she is neither an optimist or a cynic — but a realist.

'When you scratch the surface it can be a very sad place. That's why I ask clients if life is for living or just getting through. 95 per cent of them say when we have finished that it is for living because they have a greater understanding of themselves and the fact that they have choices. That goes back to enabling and empowering.'

Kathy knows heartache and tragedy. She decided to become a councellor when her husband received councelling after their son died in an accident.

'The counsellor was not as good as she should have been. She wound him up and left me with the pieces. That's when I started training because I thought I could do better than that.

'Someone wrote to me thanking me for giving her back a life that was a better quality than before. I felt 10ft tall. It wasn't an ego trip — just a sense of a job well done.'

l Kathy Kelly can be contacted on (01822) 832082.