A FEW months ago I thought I'd check out prices in one of the Tesco shops, just one or two small things. But I did buy a large bag of Winalot dog food for my loyal pet.

While I was in the queue the lady behind asked if I had a dog! What did she think I had, an elephant? Since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her no, I didn't have a dog. I was starting the Winalot diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost two stone before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. I must mention that everyone in the queue at this point was enthralled with my story.

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff the backside of a Irish Setter and a car hit me!

The man behind her laughed so much he fell over and the manager thought he was having a heart attack and called an ambulance.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.

David Luckhurst

Crocken Tor Road

Okehampton